Having regret in my life

     Life happens. I have too much on my plate. There is always something to distract me from doing better in certain things that I know I should do.

    I was 19 when I left my hometown and studied abroad, you can imagine what I was like during my studies. It must have felt as if I had arrived in paradise on earth. Regrettably, I am living far away from my home and lacked all sense of responsibility. I lived alone in Taiwan for long periods, and I could not go back home frequently. My family is chaotic, I am going to leave my mother who is an egoist, and my father who is virtually blind and deaf, hardly walking from his bedroom by himself. My parent's marriage was always on rocks. I wish I could move back to my hometown to take care of them. It seems impossible that I could find a better job in Malaysia. 

    In 2002, when I was 20, I was studying material science and engineering at NTU, the best university in Taiwan, I had a relationship with a Malaysian guy which resulted in separation because he quit the school. He was not a good-for-nothing, but he was not the least bit reliable in his grade and he often disappointed me deeply. I regret that I had not found a Taiwanese boyfriend when I was quite a beauty. I mean I was a charming and charismatic person. If I tied a knot with an intelligent person, I would become a housewife with many children in my family, as my husband could make a decent life. I had not to make my own living.

    Taken life seriously. Seems normal for me, always having fun with friends and I was not too serious about my job. I did not like reading, learning new things, or brushing up on my professional skills.